Ah Flarp

Art field trip. YAY. I like field trips, even though there was nobody cool on this one. Just me a sophomore, and a bunch of artsy seniors. I suppose being invited on this trip was an honor, but i question rather i really fit (fat? past tense of fit...) in. All of them were the kind of people who shop at Urban outfitters, and look like they were trying not to fit in. Nothing they wore matched, and everything was baggy, vintage, hipster, or genderless.

My brother used to be friends with one of them before he started dating an artsy girl, and became artsy himself. My brother said he smokes after school now, and just guessing, so do most of them. I feel like this is just another attempt by them not to fit in. I guess what I'm saying is, they were all troubled souls.

It left me wondering if someday I would grow into what they are now. I mean, I was on their artsy trip, wasn't I? And, life has been pretty shitty lately, and it seems like I have been on the edge of that weathered look. Its a fragile line.

I hope I never do become them. I can't promise them a future. They seem to try a little to hard to go off the edge. SO anyways, I just wasted an entire post talking about the artsy seniors on my field trip. Oops.

I guess I should write

Wow. I havent posted on here in forever. I guess I probably should.

The only thing to talk about is that I'm planning on coming back to school after winter break, so I;ll see yall then. I have tutors coming to the house most days to catch me up, not to mention I'm still dealing with all the crohns shit for about 2 hours in the morning and about 3 hours at night, so life still manages to be stressful. Not to mention all the little side benifits like my face swelling, my skin breaking out, and not being allowed to eat solid food. Graw. Life sucks. How did this happen?

Oh well. Have fun in the snow. And call me. I gets lonely here...

sigh

I missed Demogoron today. Even if it is kinda weird to be in a club that mostly sits around silently, I'm sad I missed it for a math quiz. Plus I'm way behind in spanish, so i could have stayed for that. Bleh. Back to school= back to stress

Today Misty wore her black wool coat (which looked pretty good...even though it had some straw on it :) ), which reminded me about my wool coat. Since I'm in that kind of mood, I'll tell you about it.
Last year, after months of awesome grades, getting no allowance (I'm supposed to get 2 dollars a week, but I never get it), and being an all around good child (yeah...right), my mom decided she would actually get me something i wanted. I had a pretty odd brown coat, so hey, i figured a new coat would be nice. I wanted a red, mid-length, double button, wool coat. After about 4 months of searching for such a thing, we found it at macys. It was 90 dollars, which isn't bad for a wool coat, and it was in every way perfect. I loved it with all my heart. It had silver buttons, and a cinched waist, and the shoulders weren't too square. Yet again, I loved it. So I bought it. After wearing it for about a month, my mom noticed the buttons were chipping from shiny silver to just silver. You have to realize, I didn't give a crap, and new buttons would have cost 2 dollars. But no. She returned the whole freakin thing.
Later on she found a crappy 20 dollar coat at old navy that technically met all my requirements, but i guess i wasn't specific enough. The new one has black crappy buttons, no collar, the waist doesn't cinch, it itches, its heavy, it makes me look like shit, and the shoulders are damn square. I tried it on again when i got home, and decided maybe i should just wear my old brown coat. I guess I got what i asked for, but it sucks.

Thats how life works, doesn't it?

Thank you. thank you *bows

Next: for worst blogger in the world award: CONGRATULATIONS VIOLET :D

No seriously. I suck. When the freak was the last time I posted? Anyways...

Halloween is coming up! Gawd i love halloween. favorite holiday :)
It seems like everyone has a crush. Some seem justifiable, others, well...

I'm always surprised when someone is surprised that i would talk to a boy. There is nothing to be surprised about. I'll talk to anyone. I don't know when, but i think somewhere in eighth grade, i lost all shame. I have completely accepted who I am, and i have made it my duty to have the most fun i possibly can (don't get me wrong... my version of fun is "LOL-ing" all day).

OH! BTY. goin' as Finn from Adventure time on Halloween :D

Afterall, this is a blog

School goes on. There is an incredible difference in the number of people making out in high school than in middle school. Not many of my friends have boyfriends, but I can tell everyone is looking around. I myself have spied some people with faces, cute ones that is, but I feel there is difference in seeing cute guys, and crushing on them.

Leo is in my art class, and I'm basically enemies with him. I just can't stand him! To begin, one of my pieces homework that i had spent, like, at least an hour on, got severely smudged. So while I was freaking out, and everyone else was telling me it was okay, he basically told me it looked like shit. Since then I have been pretty angry. I mean everyone makes mistakes, but to kick someone when they are down? And never apologize? Some of my peeps (mmm, marshmallows!) say that he did apologize, but I know he didn't. I was waiting for him to say it, and he never did. To add to that, he is always acting like he is just such an amazing artist. He is alright. He talks endlessly about how at one point he wanted to draw animals to hang in museums, but now he wants to be a scientist because he is so freakin smart. Almost like he is too good to be an artist. Bleh. He just bothers me. He's pretty wimpy too. On like the second day of school he admitted that he had liked Misty, but never was enough of a human to ask her out. Even when he was basically told by many people that she would've said yes. Now of course, is different story. And I agree with her. (Love ya Misty)

I'm really excited that my english class is going to a greek restaurant dressed as immortals from the odyssey. I already but dibs on Calypso, a beautiful, magical, nymph, who basically has a breakdown when he captive lover is set free. If anyone knows how to put a gubzillion little braid into someone's hair, let me know. Plus, guy with a face is in that class.

In other news, the creepiest guy from middle school strikes again...this time asking a girl in my homeroom out. I'll call him Snail, assuming he doesn't already have a name.

Oh well, tata for now.

Waking from nothing...

Stepping out of my stress zone has become a momentary but treasured gift. While the rest of the world buzzes around I have come to many conclusions. The first of that being that I hate crowded places. The dull boxed in environment pushed upon each student within the highschool, filled with thousands of kids...teens...young adults?, leads to a feeling of misery.

After reading some other blogs I asked myself why i write a blog. I honestly don't know why. I suppose simply because I enjoy complaining, sharing my troubles if you will. With my version of luck guiding me, what can't go wrong? After fighting Crohn's for almost 4 years now, and only being free of it for a week and a half, I am sad to announce it is back. Nothing like questioning how quickly you can find a bathroom in the art wing, or finding a way to make things seem worse then they already are, just to know that you haven't hit rock bottom yet.

I don't know how, but I have found a way to survive. I feel like some kind of bug who has crawled its way through a pile of rubble which formerly imprisoned it. Like, no matter how unlucky that was, I made it. I can see the sky again, and I am free. I guess I'm still waititng for the freedom. I hope its coming and soon. I need something to not only numb the daily pain of life but to make it happy beyond the random laughter I fill my days with.

If anyone is still reading by this point in my dreadful ramble, I found something kind of bizarre today. I was sitting in world civ, and I don't know why but it really hit me today. The Ottoman empire was large and powerful. It ruled for over 4000 years. I'm certain no teenage girl in the empire ever thought, "Wow, Imagine years form now, my entire life, the city i live in, all things important in my life will be forgotten." I decided maybe that was actually something I should think about. I found it funny how much I have learned about America and american life. I know what to wear, and where we shop, and what we eat, and what drives our economy. I just find it funny that now I am looking at another empire that looked as if it would rule forever, and I couldn't help but think that maybe someday some children would be studying america and think "I wonder if any of those ancient Americans ever thought their empire would fall?" And to that I will say yes. I did. Because beginning today i have a feeling that at some point, everything ends. Be that the ottomans, disney world, and hell knows me.

even now...

Even during my "relaxing time" I am still stressed out. I found out today that all of "activity words" in my vocab text-book are going to be on the test, which just made my 10 words, into 50. Damn.

It was freakin hot at school today, which was made worse by the fact that my 2 of my classes were on the third floor. Apparently, the air conditioner lit on fire, so now we all must suffer.

I don't get it. Multiple people have told me they read my blog, yet i only have 4 followers. Its kinda creepy to know that a bunch of bizarre people found my blog. If yall readin this, follow me. Avoid the creepy.

Im oobers looking forward to Halloween. I'm thinking of mixing my birthday into it somehow.

Here I am...

so yeah. here i am. Thinking about how much i hate school, and not having summer. Not that I like summer its self...in fact i hate warm weather. Rather, i miss doing what i wanted, and not worrying about everything. god, I am a stressed out person. Everything i do is stressful. Now it has come time for me to ask why.

Why does everyone feel the need to create stress? I feel like everyone over thinks things these days. Does anyone need to know how to find the distance of two hypothetical points? No. So why r they stressing me out? I feel like i need to walk away from it all sometime...which is a bad sign considering we've only had one week of school.

I need a serious relaxer day, so let me know if anyone wants to take some time to relax with me...maybe sip some juice, watch some t.v, talk...you know...relax. I need to very badly. SO BADLY!

Hello Highschool...

High school is definitely a place to fear. Not at all for the reasons I had believed. I was so used to Middle School, where everyone wanted you to do good.Here, the teachers take it as a challenge, to see what they can mess up in a kid's life. I can honestly say I was surprised how un-caring a few of my teachers really are.

One of my teachers, comes off as the sweetest lady. Then we get back our 5 paragraph essays that we only has 30minutes to do, and no one got over an 80. I got a 78. She afterwords informed us of how she wanted us to lay out our starter, and i was all "thanks". She expected us to know what she wanted, when we had only had her for 3 days.

My other teacher is just evil. I don't think i need to go beyond that.

Of course i needed to switch out of my spanish class, because everyone in there was either a jerk, or stupid (with one exception). Plus Zucker was stalking me the first few days. Apparently, breaking up the nice way with him didn't work. So I sent him an e-mail. I would never break up over an e-mail, but because I felt i had already broken up with him, I feel no connection what-so-ever to him. I didn't care enough to find time to talk to the freak.

Strawberrie is convinced that a fairy-tail is about to take off between a boy in art with us, and me. The only problem is, I'm certain that he thinks I'm a loud-mouthed freak, because I've been really talkative in well...every class. I just don't feel the need to be shy around other kids. In my spanish class I sit next to a junior/senior (idk which) who decided to start learnin some spanish. He's really hard-core, and reminds me of Strawberrie's idea of dressing in different personalities each day. He's pretty funny though.

I have numerous depressing doubts about all my classes. I have begun to fear that I have made some kind of mistake, and that I am simply not cut out for the classes I am in. I feel like I am doomed to fail, and yet I have no idea what is around the corner. I really is a hard idea to deal with. Plus my crohn's has been workin up to the extreme, and I just can't stand it. I feel like walking out of my life and just saying "i'm done. I'm freaking tired of being sick and embarrassed, and I have tried hard enough in school. I'm going to go home, and I am going to paint. If you need me, we can discuss it over juice tomorrow. Good day!"